Squeaky ball. I've gatta squeaky ball. You've not gatta squeaky ball. I've gatta squeaky ball.
New type of food. I've gatta... you get it now.
I've got a load of new shit. I don't know what I've done to deserve it because to be frank, I've been a seriously grumpy, aloof pups lately (yeah in fact don't call me that anymore, I'm 2 and a half).
I bark all the time at the window, especially if it is a) a skateboard b) a motorbike c) another dog d) a group of braying children. I am demanding a) of walks b) of food c) of attention. And I have made it absolutely clear that I am not interested in friendship or indeed any positive interaction with the small one (and we all know he kicks me DELIBERATELY, let's not pretend). And I smell and make deliberate efforts to smell more wherever possible by rolling in fox poo and running through stagnant muddy pools.
So I can't think why I've suddenly been bestowed with these items - rewards usually, when I've done nothing that warrants reward and in fact have been trying my damnedest to do the opposite.
I can only conclude that it must be guilt. And this is legacy guilt, I think, because they've only just started noticing me enough again to even care.
If this is the case, my new strategy should be to MAKE THEM FEEL AS GUILTY AS POSSIBLE AT ALL TIMES. I honestly don't think this should be too difficult. Glum dog face is easy. Rest head on paws, sigh excessively, lower ears and turn face to back of sofa. Job done. New treat on its way.
You humans. You are so easy to read.
Now I think about it, that's probably why they took me to that great new park the other day too. We are all getting a bit bored of the regular one. They feel guilty, they take me to a new park. Guilt - makes my world go round.
.JPG)
