Doggy resolutions 2014

As I'm pretty perfect, it has been difficult to come up with improvements, but in the spirit of the evening, here are the things I "resolve" to do in 2014:

• Bark less in the garden. It's tough to cut down on this because I do feel that if you sense danger, you should bark on it. And often when I'm standing in the back garden, looking up at those high surrounding walls and the houses beyond, I think: how can they be so relaxed about this? Literally anything could just leap at us and we would have no escape. Foxes, rats, pigeons: you name it, I'm sure they out there. And so I bark. But in acknowledgment of the fact that some may find this annoying, and also of the fact that I often get treats for stopping, I will cease unless it is absolutely necessary.
• Be nicer to the small one. I'll admit it: he's made a bit of an effort lately, giving me treats often, giving me bits of his food, cuddling me (although I still consider this an invasion of personal space) and generally being just a bit more predictable than previously. So unless absolutely necessary for reasons of self defence, I'll guard my snarl. 
• Not try to rip the postman's hand off. I do know it's futile - he knows it's futile too, that's why he laughs. But all the same, what if he did actually get his hand inside our door? I'm actually doing him a favour by being so vicious sounding that he has to retract it immediately. He's in less danger of getting his hand stuck. Nevertheless, again, I am probably causing unnecessary offence. He looks like a decent chap. And he hasn't actually tried to break in once yet. And I am sick of getting that paper stuck in the back of my mouth too.
• Stop getting so muddy. This one is realllllyyyyy hard as I do love mud. The problem is that every time I get muddy, they shower me. It's a nightmare. The thing I love most in the world causes the thing I hate most. It's almost karmic. I must break this perpetual cycle and be more moderate in my mud basking. I have noted that I can get away with a mere wipe of the paws if I don't overdo it. 
• Keep being my loveable self. If it ain't broke, as they say....